Love

I sit and wonder.

Where is the love?

No really.

Where is it? I've had countless discussions about it...so I decided to write based on what I've been told and my thoughts and feelings.


What happened to the desire for deep intimacy? Are we a society doomed to accept the "baby mamas" and the "homieloverfriends" mentally? Please don’t get it confused or misconscued, you could be in a long term relationship and still be only "homieloverfriends" at the very core (but I’ll get into that a little later). However, I believe that society has kind of given up on the whole fairy tale ending.

Listen to this joint. It explains how I feel in well, words (and sounds)



From a young, tender, stupid age I thought about what it means to love and be IN love. What it was like to make love. I mean, who thinks about that stuff at twelve? I always knew when two people were in love so to speak. Take Sierra Leonean culture for instance. You know that two people were in love if you saw them eating rice from the same plate. You may be reading this and say well, my girl/guy and I eat from the same plate...

Shaddup, stupid. It’s a cultural thing.

Nonetheless, I have always been fascinated with the emotions that supposedly come with being in love. Butterflies in the stomach? Increased heartrate? Vomiting at the mere sight of that person like Stan does every time he sees Wendy on South Park? All could apply, I suppose. I just want to know for sure.

These thoughts and feelings have not quite gone away. I’ve always considered myself to be a deeply sensual and romantic person. Lately however, I can’t help but wonder if people such as me are becoming an anomaly? Are we a dying breed?

I sit and wonder.

Where is the love?

Like most people in 2010 who want answers to thought-provoking, burning questions...I headed to the innanets. Based on my trusty google research, I found that a majority of so-called experts believed that true, deep love is based on elements such as compatibility, commitment, and passion. I could try to analyze these elements, but it would be preaching to the choir (or rather, preaching to the orchestra at Lincoln Center while locked in a broom closet).

Here is what I think:

I think that there is no concrete way to define love. There are different kinds of love that exist. Platonic love, love between your closest friends, love that family (should) have for one another, love for your career, I could go on and on. It is one of the most subjective (if not THE most subjective) topic there is. I will say that I strongly believe that (romantic) love at this core is well, a feeling. You just know. If you think there is potential it WON’T take long to know either. Those who argue this are simply lying to themselves. It doesn’t require sitting around wondering whether or not you are there. You don’t need to shop for opinions and a diagnosis. No one on the outside can tell if you are in love with someone. You just know. Is there a window of opportunity? On a forum that I frequent, the consensus seemed to be that there isnt-there shouldn’t be a time frame. I can get down with that somewhat. I don’t know about ya’ll, but if I were in an exclusive relationship for quite some time and my s/o didn't know whether or not they were in love with me, I’d feel some type of way-especially if I could say for sure that I was in love with them. After a period of time, if you have to wonder whether or not you are in love with your man/your girl chances are you probably aren't. Now please understand, people can be married for decades and fall out of love. Look at the Gores (although as Janet Jackson said in Why Did I Get Married Too, I think they should "fix it! fix it!") As unfortunate of a circumstance this is, it happens. Lets be clear though. You may not know the words but after a certain period of time your actions begin to speak more and more for you. Don't let it get to this point. It doesn’t matter what you say, your peoples say, what the fam says, what anyone says. Actions do a better job at answering questions than words could ever do which especially rings true when it comes to being "in love." This is where the "homieloverfriend" comes into play.

Now if you listen to R.Kelly, a homieloverfriends is not much more than a jumpoff, lacking a title. Why listen to him though? Musical genius he may be, but Aristotle he ain’t. A "homieloverfriend" can be your significant other, and 99% of the time, it ain’t a good thing either.

The other kind of homieloverfriend is like that pair of jeans or a pair of sneakers you liked and knew you wanted to buy. Looks nice, it fits, and everything is cool. Unfortunately, you notice that even though its still pretty cool, after a while it doesn’t fit as nicely as it did before. Doesn’t look quite the same. Doesn’t have that same shine...its just different. You find yourself squeezing into it. You still appreciate it and its still nice so you keep it hoping that it will fit like it once did. Maybe it will-but at what point in time do you realize that maybe it just isn’t meant to? How do you let go? I guess this is where you try to distinct between platonic love and romantic love. Platonic love is so beautiful in a friendship (bromance, besties, etc.). In a relationship however...



A lot of relationships end bitterly and/or with one person being devastated. Real talk though, this can be avoided if we listened to Kenny Rogers (know when to hold em'...know when to fold em'...)

So what the hell? Just reading I have more questions than when I first started! Perhaps that is what I get for speaking on something I've never quite experienced. Guess Janet was right "that’s the way love goes."

Seriously though. I do know this. It is important to establish the kind of love you have in your life. If you don't have a sense a sense of platonic love, love from family and friends, your career, etc. How would you know how to handle being "in love?" I think I have done a good job of this. I have love for my career, my family, and my friends. It is a beautiful thing. If you have this you are more than blessed. However it is my strong belief that everyone needs romantic, deep, love in their lives. I won't die without it, but it sure would be nice. I would never rob myself or another of that opportunity. Shame its so hard to find.


Where is the love?

I sit and wonder.